WORLD EXCLUSIVE:

Lady Diana Spencer Captured On Film Moments Before Fatal Accident

      Throughout the media circus surrounding the tragic death of Princess Diana in Paris late last year, the usual rash of conspiracy theories and assignment of blame abounded. Although everyone from the 'paparazzi' to the Queen herself were accused of complicity in the fatal automobile accident, few suspected that Diana was under actual photographic surveillance within the vehicle itself. However that is in fact the case. After months of sensitive negotiations in the shadowy corners of this international stage, we have managed to obtain, at significant financial expense, this never-before-seen photograph of Princess Di in the last few seconds of her conscious life.

Death of a princess: Diana looks up in horror as the mass of concrete approaches.

      The camera with which this picture was taken was hidden inside the car's rearview mirror. Following the crash, like an aircraft's 'black box' flight recorder, the camera and film were recovered from the wreckage by agents whose anonymity was a condition of our acquisition of the image. The automobile itself, a type of armoured Mercedes commonly used by celebrities and dignitaries worldwide, was the property of the other pictured member, Dodi al Fayed, a wealthy playboy and heir to the al Fayed commercial empire, and Diana's latest extramarital romantic interest. It is not known whether Dodi intended the hidden camera photographs for personal use or for possible financial purposes. Since the al Fayed family would doubtless face swift and decisive retribution from the traditionally vindictive and monarchistic British parliament if they offered such photographs for sale to the sex-hungry local newspapers, the most prominent theory is that Dodi was collecting the photographs to refute historical claims of institutionalized inbreeding within the British royal family.

      From the picture it is clear why the occupants of the vehicle were so anxious to avoid their unwanted entourage of motorcycle-borne photographers, causing them to drive at shockingly dangerous speeds in a built-up area. It also completes the puzzle as to why neither Diana nor Dodi were wearing seatbelts. However, many questions still remain unanswered. Could it be that the driver lost control of the car at a crucial moment because he was adjusting the camera for the close-up? Or might he simply have been distracted by the red-hot view of "Squidgy's" exquisite technique which he could hardly have helped seeing reflected in the mirror? If either of these are true, could this expose the al Fayed family to further legal claims of responsibility for the fatalities, or even criminal charges? If the vehicle had held the road, would Di's next act have been to grant Dodi the rampant anal action which he was so renowned to adore?

      Perhaps we will never know the entire story of what transpired during those terrible, fateful seconds. One thing is certain, however: Lady Diana Spencer, beloved Princess of the British people, died as she had lived, selflessly giving pleasure to others. Nothing can turn back the clock to change the crushing events of that grim night, but we believe that Princess Di deserves a proper memorial that remembers her for her generous spirit rather than tarnishing her memory with the dredging up of old scandals and sleazy tabloid privacy invasions. We have therefore instead turned her final, poignant moments into a tasteful miniposter. Please point people to its webpage, print it out and distribute it widely. Her exploits must live long in our memories.