Dear Friend, Relation or Acquaintance,

Happy holidays! Just thought I'd let you know that I've been thinking of you slightly less than the amount required to do something creative or spend some of my precious time writing you a personal mail. My twisted sense of obligation, built up from years of being bombarded by marketing propaganda, insists that I mark the occasion somehow, so I was hoping this would distract you from the fact that I have nothing substantial to say! After all, it's the season of giving, so allow me to be the first to give you the shaft!

Best wishes for whatever season it is,

Person whose name was on the original e-mail